This whole celiac is new to me. I go through periods of feeling relieved because I now have a diagnosis and can start healing, to being in denial, to thinking I am imagining it all. Then I try to convince myself I am a high tolerant celiac and can handle eating small amounts of it, after all I have been eating gluten for a while without huge side effects, right? apparently not.
There are different levels of celiac "reactions". You have people who can eat a bite or two of gluten with no issues and you have people who react if someone mentions the word gluten. I was hoping to be the former but am slowly learning I am the latter. There are two ways I have to avoid gluten, direct consumption and cross contamination. Direct consumption is hard enough, seeking out G free foods, reading every label it is a pain. Cross contamination is a whole other baby. This happens when oh say a knife used to cut gluten bread is used to cut gluten free bread, the G free bread has been contaminated with gluten, traces but gluten nonetheless. Cross contamination can happen in a million different ways. I can fix my kids a regular PB & J and lick PB off of my finger, PB that has touched the bread and get the gluten. I can oh say get a sandwich on gluten free bread where they don't really guarantee no cross contamination where the mayo has most likely been spread with a contaminated knife. Sounds ridiculous huh? I thought so too until today.
Jason's deli has a great GF menu and their GF bread is dang tasty I might add, but they serve it to you in a wrapper with a fat label saying "eat at your own risk because well we can't guarantee this was made with clean utensils and is not contaminated". So I did...and I paid (am still paying). About an hour after lunch I got the "something isn't right" feeling I get when I eat gluten, followed by the overwhelming feeling of needing to vomit or faint which leads to my narcoleptic fatigue ending with noises that sound like my tummy is trying to have a conversation with my hubby, even watching my tummy swell...yes swell and it ends even worse...I will spare you the details.
So why the rant, why am I ticked. Well it isn't at Jason's deli they warned me. It is at myself. One, I asked a gluten free friend what she gets at Jason's and she told me the salad bar, which I loved until I got salmonella and the health department lady told me it was Russian roulette so I avoid it because I am chicken. Two, I told myself that a) I was going to be a low reactive celiac and cross contamination wouldn't hurt and b) I didn't want to make a big deal every time I ate out. Plus I hate when I do exclaim "I have a gluten allergy" and they look at me like I just said **&&^%^&. I don't want to be THAT girl who is like please wash your hands, change all utensils to new and clean, break open a new bottle of mayo yada yada.
However, after today's protests by my body, it is going to have to be that way. My plan was to purge all gluten from my body then test how far I could go before reacting, but it seems like the more I avoid gluten the more sensitive I become. Or it could be that I have felt so bad for so long I never realized or listened to the signs. They were loud and proud today...if I was dictating this into a recorder my tummy would be writing half of it because it is loud and can be heard over the TV...luckily my hubby loves me anyway. It is also slowly growing as I sit here, swelling from being irritated.
I don't get what my deal is about not wanting to be cautious when eating out. If it were my kids I would be a maniac, but for me I just feel like a Diva. I am sure I will get over it eventually and let it go. I have been looking at celiac cards online so I can just hand it to my server without the detailed explanation of why it is imperative I have no gluten in my food. This headache is totally worth it (not the one I am sporting now the headache of being diligent) because I will feel so much better and begin to heal. I will be a new women and reduce my risk of developing other autoimmune diseases. Plus I day dream of more energy, more energy, which incidentally I had until today's glutening! I am not sure what it was that effected me. A contaminated knife cutting my bread or spreading my mayo, the maltodextrin in my dt coke or did I touch my kids lunch then lick my finger, who knows. All I know is my tummy is peed off at the moment and it is my own fault.
So I will suffer through tonight and start fresh in the morning with the gluten hangover I get as a reminder. Then tomorrow when I get up, I will put on my big girl panties and stop being such a Pansy about speaking up for myself with my food. I don't eat out a whole lot, usually lunch date with the kids but where I thought Hasselbeck was crazy in her book I will have to go re-read for tips on how to eat out gluten free.
So I need to suck it up, be that person and start being more strict at avoiding cross contamination. I will also lament my favorite junk food treat...chili cheese fritos...I bid thee farewell :(
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