The feel of Deflation

Okay 46ers, a friend of mine has totally motivated me to get my a** back in gear here and everywhere but first...I need to whine.

I got a letter from my doctor yesterday explaining that I am not in fact a celiac. She was besides herself with confidence that I was but the test came back negative and she said my nutrient levels were perfect with the exception of iron and hemoglobin. So why am I whining?

The main reason isn't because because I don't have to read everything I eat, give warnings and give up pretty much everything...no no I am quite happy I don't have to live the life of someone who has a food allergy. I truly empathize for these people. I am upset because once again I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am trying to tell myself I just need to accept that salmonella kills, I lived and my body paid for it. Also that it takes a long time to recover and it hasn't even been a year yet. The problem with this is there is nothing I can do to fix this but wait. Sure I can eat healthy and exercise and hope it shortens the amount of time it will take my body to recover but like most humans I want the quick fix.

So here I am yet again with low hemoglobin and anemic working toward feeling better. I just feel deflated because I thought I had a good answer.

But what I have learned...

• First and foremost listen to your friends (you know who you are)
• next protein makes me feel powerful, grains make me feel weak
• I know my body better than my doctor does and I am happy I don't have celiac but I know grains aren't my friends. 

What are my goals

• Sweat daily doing whatever I have time & energy for that day. This includes my crazy cleaning sprees and kid play time...they count
• Keep the paleo-ish ball rolling. We all feel better and I don't have to read everything I eat haha
• BLOG...more
• Remarry my fitness/weight loss journal 

So to end this somewhat pathetic post I am happy I don't have a strange affliction that affects so many adults, I really feel bad for them. I am sad I don't have a quick way to feel better (I so like to feel great) but happy that it is forcing me to make better choices and live healthier. It also made me think of settling and how I shouldn't settle. So far I have settled for the bit of weight I have lost the baggy clothes but I need to reamp my rear in gear. 

Getting Gluttened

This whole celiac is new to me. I go through periods of feeling relieved because I now have a diagnosis and can start healing, to being in denial, to thinking I am imagining it all. Then I try to convince myself I am a high tolerant celiac and can handle eating small amounts of it, after all I have been eating gluten for a while without huge side effects, right? apparently not.

There are different levels of celiac "reactions". You have people who can eat a bite or two of gluten with no issues and you have people who react if someone mentions the word gluten. I was hoping to be the former but am slowly learning I am the latter. There are two ways I have to avoid gluten, direct consumption and cross contamination. Direct consumption is hard enough, seeking out G free foods, reading every label it is a pain. Cross contamination is a whole other baby. This happens when oh say a knife used to cut gluten bread is used to cut gluten free bread, the G free bread has been contaminated with gluten, traces but gluten nonetheless. Cross contamination can happen in a million different ways. I can fix my kids a regular PB & J and lick PB off of my finger, PB that has touched the bread and get the gluten. I can oh say get a sandwich on gluten free bread where they don't really guarantee no cross contamination where the mayo has most likely been spread with a contaminated knife. Sounds ridiculous huh? I thought so too until today.

Jason's deli has a great GF menu and their GF bread is dang tasty I might add, but they serve it to you in a wrapper with a fat label saying "eat at your own risk because well we can't guarantee this was made with clean utensils and is not contaminated". So I did...and I paid (am still paying). About an hour after lunch I got the "something isn't right" feeling I get when I eat gluten, followed by the overwhelming feeling of needing to vomit or faint which leads to my narcoleptic fatigue ending with noises that sound like my tummy is trying to have a conversation with my hubby, even watching my tummy swell...yes swell and it ends even worse...I will spare you the details.

So why the rant, why am I ticked. Well it isn't at Jason's deli they warned me. It is at myself. One, I asked a gluten free friend what she gets at Jason's and she told me the salad bar, which I loved until I got salmonella and the health department lady told me it was Russian roulette so I avoid it because I am chicken. Two, I told myself that a) I was going to be a low reactive celiac and cross contamination wouldn't hurt and b) I didn't want to make a big deal every time I ate out. Plus I hate when I do exclaim "I have a gluten allergy" and they look at me like I just said **&&^%^&. I don't want to be THAT girl who is like please wash your hands, change all utensils to new and clean, break open a new bottle of mayo yada yada.

However, after today's protests by my body, it is going to have to be that way. My plan was to purge all gluten from my body then test how far I could go before reacting, but it seems like the more I avoid gluten the more sensitive I become. Or it could be that I have felt so bad for so long I never realized or listened to the signs. They were loud and proud today...if I was dictating this into a recorder my tummy would be writing half of it because it is loud and can be heard over the TV...luckily my hubby loves me anyway. It is also slowly growing as I sit here, swelling from being irritated.

I don't get what my deal is about not wanting to be cautious when eating out. If it were my kids I would be a maniac, but for me I just feel like a Diva. I am sure I will get over it eventually and let it go. I have been looking at celiac cards online so I can just hand it to my server without the detailed explanation of why it is imperative I have no gluten in my food. This headache is totally worth it (not the one I am sporting now the headache of being diligent) because I will feel so much better and begin to heal.  I will be a new women and reduce my risk of developing other autoimmune diseases. Plus I day dream of more energy, more energy, which incidentally I had until today's glutening! I am not sure what it was that effected me. A contaminated knife cutting my bread or spreading my mayo, the maltodextrin in my dt coke or did I touch my kids lunch then lick my finger, who knows. All I know is my tummy is peed off at the moment and it is my own fault.

So I will suffer through tonight and start fresh in the morning with the gluten hangover I get as a reminder. Then tomorrow when I get up, I will put on my big girl panties and stop being such a Pansy about speaking up for myself with my food. I don't eat out a whole lot, usually lunch date with the kids but where I thought Hasselbeck was crazy in her book I will have to go re-read for tips on how to eat out gluten free.
So I need to suck it up, be that person and start being more strict at avoiding cross contamination.  I will also lament my favorite junk food treat...chili cheese fritos...I bid thee farewell :(

Celiac and the worst detox ever...

Well ladies and gents here I am trying to get posts going again. I am the worst these days. My small business is picking up which is a big time taker and with the debilitating fatigue I have been having I barely have the energy to think. There there was my Hunger Games read-a-thon but we won't talk about that ;)

So here I am with an update for the 2 readers I know actual read this blog haha. After feeling bad for what has been close to a year following a serious salmonella poisoning that nearly killed me I have finally found what is wrong with me. I have Celiac Disease aka a gluten allergy, an illness that goes largely undiagnosed and is common enough to be found in 1 our of every 100 adults. Most of which is activated after a serious illness...like say um salmageddon. I set out on this journey out of my desperate need to feel good again. I am not that person who enjoys feeling bad or even average. I like to feel like sunshine is coming our of every orifice, I am that annoying person ;) I like to exercise everyday, laugh lots and have the energy to do it all, all of the time. I have had a serious lack of that in my life since getting sick.

I have had a few people asking me how I found out I had Celiac, I love to share this because it can take an average of 7 years for most people to be diagnosed. I can blame it all on the Paleo diet. After 30 days of strict paleo I started reintroducing food and I was met with a serious lack of reaction to anything...then I ate some battered fried fish after fasting all day. It started there and didn't stop. For some reason when I start eating gluten I am like a junkie and it is all I consume. It was like a big snowball effect and it was killing my body. I was constantly in intestinal distress, fatigued and moody and one time I even had what I would call an out right allergic reaction. I realized something was amiss and gluten was a culprit. I had heard of Celiac and it kept coming up in the back of my mind. I have pretty good intuition even if I don't always listen to it.

It took me close to 3 weeks to finally get the nerve to get tested and go see my doctor. Why would I do that you ask? Because me realizing I had celiac and acknowledging it is different that a doctor confirming it. If I know about it I can eat the foods that make me sick and in some sick twisted way pretend it doesn't exist, but the reality of a formal you have celiac is intimidating. Pizza anyone? So I bit the bullet and went because the damage celiac does to your body if you go undiagnosed is more painful than and food I will have to give up.

So how was I diagnosed is another question I get. There are a series of tests, but my Dr. gave me a pretty solid diagnosis based on the blood work she had on file. I have had quite a few blood tests since my poisoning and looking at them she said my nutrient deficiencies are typical for Celiacs. These are numbers she has been perplexed as to why they won't regulate. She went ahead and did the blood panel to test for celiac as well as my normal blood work and an extra blood chemistry to see how my nutrients are faring. I also have to go have a biopsy done of my small intestine (I think) with a gastroenterologist of which I am not too excited about...how exactly do they get that biopsy :/

So what does this mean for me now. ENERGY I hope. Fatigue is a side effect of Celiacs consuming gluten as well as anemia which can cause fatigue. A nasty detox, which I think I am coming out of as I type this. It was nasty did I say that already? I read that there is a peptide in gluten that attaches to the opiate receptors in your brain so you can withdrawal like you are taking drugs. I did, it wasn't pretty but like I said I am coming out of it and already feeling better. I also noticed my abdomen has gone down significantly. It looks like I have lost about 15 lbs when I haven't. I am guessing that my belly was swollen from being irritated.

This also means that I have to be diligent about not eating gluten. Some Celiacs can eat certain levels of gluten without any symptoms other can't even have a smidge without tailspinning into misery. I am hoping I am the former, it means that I can suffer cross contamination without bad results. For now however I am not risking it and am completely eliminating gluten from my life to allow my body to heal which can take about a month. This means reading everything I buy and eat, research research research, and presenting myself as a celiac when dining out. Which is kind of embarrassing but totally worth not having a reaction.

So far my hubby has been amazing. He even found me a g-free pizzeria and the worlds biggest list of mainstream g free foods. I have found some great blogs and tons of pins on pinterest.  It hasn't been easy even for the short time I have been living this way. I have found that almost everything either has gluten in it or is a cross contaminate. All of the chocolate in my house has a "may contain wheat" warning...my favorite taco seasoning has gluten and many other things I am used to eating. Did I mention my hubby brews beer? Really good beer...full of gluten. He has talked about making me a g free so we will see. For now I am happy I can still have pizza, there is a Trader Joe's close (which is super G free friendly) and I have a great support system. I just finished The G Free Diet book which was helpful, especially the part where she gives advice on how to attend food centered functions without making a fuss. Easter is coming up and I want my family to prepare their usual fare, I can always bring something if I need to. It is about the company after all and I don't want Easter to become about my new lifestyle.

I also, out of no where, had the energy and desire to go for a short walk today...it was great. I hope today ifs the beginning of many, many energy filled healthy days!!!